Workout 1/A1:

Low bar squat: 40x5, 60x5, 80x6, 80x2, 80x8 high bar, 80x8 low bar
One-leg RDL + Leg curls: 50x6 + 56x5 L, 50x4 + 48x6 R, 50x4 + 48x5 L, 50x2 + 48x4 R, then bilateral leg curls 120x4
Shoulder lateral raises: 5kgx8 each side, 5x8, 5x8

Comments: Terrible workout. I went at the gym at 9:45 AM since the guy I'm going with had some work to do later on, I couldn't sleep at all last night, too hot etc, I dreamed a lot of strange stuff, and I SUCKED HARD at the gym.

The bar kept on slipping on my back BADLY for the low bar squats so I couldn't finish my sets, had to rack the bar because the pressure on the hands and wrists was tremendous. The bar was slipping like you couldn't believe. I did one set of 8 reps using the high bar technique but it was very hard and weird. Then finally put on a shirt that was more abrasive so I could barely finish my 8 reps set.

I'll probably, if this keeps up, going to limit my reps per set to 5 and do more sets.

But these weren't the great problems for this workout. No sir. The problem was that I was feeling SOOOOOO BAD, like I was going to faint of exertion and fatigue... so dizzy... I think, besides the fact that I was shit this morning, there are neon lights on the ceiling of the gym and they always make me dizzy and sleepy. It's also very hot and there's no "air" in the gym... I always feel very very strange in it. Once I got out of it I immediately started to feel much better. There are also mental issues since I get scared so easily when I feel bad, so I start feeling worse and worse.

All in all, this was TERRIBLE!

Rating: 2
Bodyweight: 81.0 kg

Took one scoop of 60 g of protein powder after the workout, that is - 50 g of protein. Will take another one later.

Yeah well I probably slept like what, 2 hours over a 9 hour period. You can also (I mean, I can) sleep with "one eye open", meaning that I'm kind of aware of what's happening next to me even though I'm "sleeping". Like half asleep, half awake.

Check out the dream thread, I'll update that in the next 10 minutes

But on the back of my mind I continuously think I'm gravely ill... I mean I can't feel like this again and again and again...

If I'm to be like 100% honest, I feel like I don't have much time to live... I just feel so bad.

i went through a phase like that when I had a lump on my nut, like 8 years ago.. went to doctor, he said it could be this but it's probably that (not bad), but i needed CT scan and shit.. i didn't have insurance so i couldn't find one for under like - 8 thousand dollars.. so i just said fuck it.. so in the back of my mind i thought i could have some massive problem, for 2 years or more.. eventually i just said fuck it though and i'll just get it out of my mind, i still hope it's nothing and it hasn't gotten any bigger so.. lol

TMI, but you get the idea.. i thought i was gravely ill also.

raptor mang, get control over that mind of yours@$!!@

peace

damn man.. i've never been on any medications, i do have some somewhat extreme 'ups and downs' but I just handle it my way, i'm very against meds for own body. List out your diet maybe, sleep schedule, & how you feel that day, for a week or so..

for example, the leaner & lighter I get, the better I feel for some reason.. most men wouldn't feel good wanting to keep dropping weight until "140" at 6'1, but for some reason, the lower I go (to a point) the better I feel, mentally, physically, everything.. I've known this for a while because, when I boxed @ 142-147, I was shredded and just felt GREAT every day, even though I was getting punched in the face etc.. I just felt so good being that light.. so when I got into vert, after 1 year went by, I started noticing that all of the weight I put on had me feeling pretty shitty.. By 2 years, I felt like complete crap.. Now that I've been getting lighter again, overall I feel much better mentally & CNS wise.

Another thing that effects me CNS/mentally, is how I eat.. This goes hand & hand with the above paragraph. If I am ALWAYS eating higher carb, for the majority of the week, I end up feeling sluggish/weak/demotivated. If I alternate my carb intake between low & moderate, with occasional high carb days, I feel so much better.. My "alertness/mental ability" is much higher when I'm eating very light, slightly hungry in fact.. That also effects how I jump, If I eat alot that day, I just don't have the mental drive to murder the ground.

If I get too little sleep, 7 hours or less, I feel fatigued throughout the day.. Even though I may be able to perform alright, the mental fatigue is there.. For some reason I need 8-9 hours of sleep every night, otherwise, my mental game is off.

Finally, don't watch too much porn, it'll screw you up hardcore. LOL

anyway, I've been hoping your situation gets better for a while now, & I still keep-dat-hope.

peace man


EDIT: forgot to mention, if I over obsess about vert, I mentally/physically shut down.. I need a variety of goals to keep me sane & on track

ya i've said many times to you, those thoughts are unhealthy.. "hate" and "anger" towards society/people in general, is not healthy.. thinking of pretty much everything as "hypocritical" and "stupid" is not healthy either.. all i'm saying is, thoughts like that aren't good, it'd be better if you just existed without expressing those thoughts for people on a daily basis, they are negative thoughts.. being negative about so many things in itself can feel like a "sickness", i mean, when you're sick, you feel negative.. those negative thoughts are similar to that feeling when they accumulate..

for example, if when i looked at people i got thoughts of "look at this idiot, fake, scum" etc, i'd try and train myself to think of NOTHING when I look at a person.. i'd constantly try and remove those negative thoughts or counteract them with positive thoughts about the person i'm looking at.. this can be said for people/situations/whatever is causing your negative thoughts.

basically i'm saying, rastafarian up, it's all good man, peace & love.

pc

Oh yeah you better believe I'm aware so many people do much worse than me, it's not like I'm ungrateful about my situation or anything. I just create scenarios in my head about all kinds of negative stuff and imagining things. Basically, I guess you can call it hypochondria.

And yes, I do "talk to myself" in order to calm down like "hey, I went to this situation before in the past and nothing happened, so why not calm down and continue doing whatever it is that I'm doing". Of course I'm doing all this. But because I feel so bad everyday, I just keep on thinking, on the back of my mind, that something is terribly wrong and that I'll probably find out one way or the other soon that I have a terminable illness.

Yeah well I never drank, smoked (cigarettes or anything else) or even drank coffee. My mom drinks coffee so I hear her over and over how "she needs to drink it or else" so I was like "what if I don't start with it so I can stay away from that".

People are stupid. Sometimes I think, if I were to do all these stupid things people usually do, how would I feel then?