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My sister died on 30th February 2023. I have to take a break from everything, although I might go back to the gym just to take my mind off it. She had a food addiction, she basically lived to eat, so she got heavier and fatter week by week until she was 162 kg at 1.65m tall. Her oxygen levels went as low as 60 or even in the 50s and she refused to go to the hospital (she went there a few times, the ambulance also gave her oxygen a few times).

We found her dead after Sunday's night, she died in her sleep. She was 48 years old. I sometimes think I might be going crazy, soon, although I'm trying to keep it together.

Oh man, Raptor, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. It's horrible to lose a sibling, even when you can see it coming. I lost my brother in January 2018, after watching him struggle for years with addiction (drugs, in his case) and mental illness. IME, the grief never goes away but time does help it recede.

- run 38:53, 7.60 km
everything felt good, yay. gorgeous afternoon/evening for a run, mid-50s and sunny with no wind.

- run 31:07, 4.67 km
w/fiancée, who is clearly still recovering. meant to note this yesterday but i'm having that weird posterior left knee discomfort again that popped up in argentina a couple months ago. troubling.

yesterday

- run 51:43, 9.76 km
ran the three km of continuous uphill in the park around 4:55 pace, just for fun. obviously rest of run was more relaxed. watch says HR averaged 180 for the whole run, which seems improbable.

went to charlotte last weekend to visit my grandmother, didn't end up running at all. motivation has cratered since we decided that my fiancée was set back too far by her illness to make the 50 miler possible. i'm not interested in training for it by myself, part of the point was to spend all those training hours running together and she's only barely able to do slow 5ks right now, which is barely more than a brisk walk for me. i need a new race, or maybe to switch focus for a while. wish there were a gym in my neighborhood that didn't cost $200/month.

monday

- run 37:38, 5.83 km
glacial until the final half km or so, when i kicked it up to around half marathon pace (~4:19).

- run 1:32:54, 16.36 km
not long enough to be a real training run. on the bright side, it's nice that i'm in good enough shape that a ten mile run is flat-out easy for me now. it should be, i kept pace down and watch HR reading averaged 130. but it felt short and i have no fatigue.

i'm sure you would, you were always a much better leaper than i am. no idea about kcal intake, i haven't tracked it in a long time. i have no trouble maintaining a constant bodyweight and bf%. i have had to put some effort into planning for and bringing enough calories with me on long runs, which is a work in progress. i am a little lighter and less muscular than my internal idea of an "ideal" body for myself - although my soon-to-be-wife disagrees  - so someday i'll get back on the lifting train and probably have to put some thought into diet again. for now, cruising.